The Truth About the Online Dating Dilemma
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Ok ladies, let’s get real for a minute. If you’ve been single in any capacity during the last decade you’ve probably tried online dating. And if you’re anything like me (and most other women), after your break up you contemplated online dating for a little while before you took the leap. An inner dialogue started in your head and kept looping in a vicious cycle. It went something like this:
I’m not going to do it....I’m better than that….What will people think….I’m going to enjoy being single for awhile….I’m going to work on myself... I need to learn to love myself before someone else can love me...I’d rather meet a guy in person than through an app...
Blah blah blah. Then, one night while you’re on the couch watching Netflix and drinking wine, possibly with cats, the overwhelm hits you. You decide you’re going to download an app. Not because you have to (of course not), but because you’re bored.
A different loop starts repeating in your head:
It’s time to have some fun...It’s harmless...I’m in control...Who cares what people think...I’ve been working on myself for like 2 whole weeks already....I’m gonna do me…
But now you’re faced with a very serious choice. Which app or site do you create a profile for? Do you go big or go home and sign up for all of them? Obviously your odds of finding a match would greatly increase with that option, right? Or do you just dip your toe in the water and sign up for one and see how it goes? But which one? Once you start looking, you realize there’s more choices out there than you even knew existed!
When I faced this dilemma some time after my divorce, I did what any newly single after 15 years of marriage and two kids woman would do...I signed up for every site I could find! At first it was fun, exciting, and new. The last time I dated there was barely internet, let alone online dating. I was going to embrace the experience and enjoy the ride. However, it didn’t take long before that easy going joy ride turned into a high speed chase. It was outta control!!
Keeping up with all my profiles, answering all my messages (cause I don’t want to be rude right?), and endlessly swiping had turned into a full time job. On top of that, I needed to make time to actually meet some of these men!. By the time I went on a date, I was exhausted and started daydreaming about the days I was on my couch with a glass of wine or hanging out laughing with friends.
I needed to scale back quick!
I decided I was going to narrow it down to one app. That’s right...ONE. Everyone’s preferences are different, but I wanted it to be one that was intuitive, easy to use, and gave me a sense of being in control. After some internal debate, I deleted all my accounts except Bumble. I really liked that I had the power to send the first message. This came in handy a few nights that I might have had a couple glasses of wine (by glasses I mean bottles) and accidentally swiped right on a guy I had no intention of talking to. It happens!
Once I narrowed down my dating profile and regained some of my dignity, it was time to get serious. No more endlessly messaging just to be polite. No more second dates for guys who didn’t even deserve the first date. And definitely NO tolerance for dick pic guys (Yuk!).
Through my trial and error I ended up having some great experiences. But I also had experiences that, when retold, kept my girlfriends laughing for days. We still use them as references and examples of total online dating fails.
I would love to share some of these experiences with you, so look for my next post and get ready to take notes! In the meantime, if you have girlfriends you think would enjoy this content, please share!!