How to Deal With a Guy Who Comes On Too Strong Too Fast
Disclaimer: This blog post contains affiliate links. We may earn a small commission to fund our wine drinking habit if you use these links to make a purchase. You will not be charged extra, and you’ll keep us supplied in wine and ready to share more. It’s a win for everyone, really.
As I discussed in my previous post, the online dating scene can be daunting and takes time to learn to navigate. Some days it can put a smile on your face, while other days it causes you to lose faith in all humanity! I have had a few dating adventures that have left me wondering WTF?! To help you navigate, learn from my mistakes, and to bring you a few laughs along the way, I want to take you through the common characters over the next few posts.
Too Strong Too Fast
This type of guy can seem promising at first. He’ll usually perform grand gestures early on or plan big impressive dates to WOW you. But, he won’t be able to play it cool for very long. He will quickly start to throw out red flags that should not be ignored (unless you want to end up the subject of an Investigation Discovery episode). He might give you butterflies at first, but this gives way to the dreaded “creepy vibe”...you know, the feeling that you can’t really put your finger on, but you know that you feel uncomfortable. You WANT to like him because he plans great dates, seems genuinely interested in you, and gives you all the attention you think you want. But if you have that familiar intuition that something isn’t right you need to listen!
I had been talking to a guy online for about a week when we made plans to meet. He knew I loved football, so he offered to take me to an NFL game. He met me at the stadium and gave me a team shirt (in the right size!) and we sat in amazing seats. He bought food and drinks. He took care of everything. I was impressed! He put real thought and money into the date. This guy was racking up major points so far!
But then the date takes a turn…...I had to start throwing some penalty flags. After a couple minutes of cheering for our team, he leaned over way too far into my personal space and proceeded to ask me thought provoking questions. He literally wanted to talk the WHOLE time! Don’t get me wrong….I’m a woman….I love to talk! But this isn’t a romantic dinner or a cozy coffee date. It’s a football game! If you’ve ever been to a major sporting event, then you know this is not the right venue for deep conversation. What should have been fun, light hearted, and exciting was now serious, boring, and headache inducing. He wanted to know everything about me. It felt like a three hour long interrogation and I was trapped.
By the end of the game, I was practically running to my car feeling relieved that I had chosen to drive separately. I didn’t want to be rude, but I also didn’t want to lead him on. I knew I didn't want to see him again. So, when we arrived at my car, I thanked him for such a thoughtful date and gave him the kind of quick hug where you make sure no other part of your body besides your arms touches the other person. Phew! I made it!
Some people might ghost at this point, but I have always had trouble doing that. Instead, I started to trail off on our conversations, not initiate, and phase myself out. However, “too much too soon” guys are going to come on strong and not want to accept your withdrawal. If you pull away, they will come back harder.
So, this guy’s response was to message me pictures of his 10 year old son holding up signs that read “My Dad loves you”. This was a true WTF moment! I could write a whole blog post on all the ways that was creepy and wrong! The initial gut instinct I felt at the game was now being validated. The unsolicited and inappropriate messages continued. He even texted me song lyrics.
He wasn’t getting my hints or he was choosing to ignore them. No matter how uncomfortable I am to go cold turkey on a guy...this guy forced my hand. I unmatched him on the dating app and blocked his phone number. All of this happened in about a two week time period. That’s way too strong way too fast!!!!
There are many ways this could have played out and many ways I could have handled it. But, I’ve seen too many TV crime dramas and don’t want my story to end up on anything produced by Dick Wolf. My advice is when something seems too good to be true, it usually is. No level headed, emotionally stable man is going to act this way. Overbearing and obsessive qualities in a man are major red flags that shouldn’t be overlooked just to get the attention.
Take it from me, sometime you just have to cut ties when you get this type. He just doesn’t take the hint!